Sunday 7 June 2009

A SCRIPT

A girl sits at her laptop, a bored look on her face, revising. She is in a bad mood because she attempted to shorten a dress and it worked too well; the dress is now indecent, only Alexa Chung would even consider it. And the girl's legs were definitely not Alexa Chung-esque.
She has been avoiding revision all day; thanks to this artful dodging the house was immaculate, the lunch had been elaborate and her bedroom entirely rearranged, but now she had been forced to sit down and crack on with the tiresome task of learning and, you know, actually passing her exams, she felt a tiny bit sick.

Girl: I hate revision! I need to procrastinate and I need to procrastinate now!
Wind: Net-a-Pooooorter... Net-a-Pooooorter...
Girl: Hmm... maybe I will brows Net-a-Porter.
N-a-P: (aside) Yesss, we lured her in.
Wind: Shooooooooes... Shooooooooes...
Girl: Sigh... I might as well look at the shoes...
YSL Tribs: Well, hey-hey there good lookin! 'Aint your feet just fantastic! Hows about we try 'em on for size?
Girl: Oh Em Gee they have the Trib sandals... In my size... OH MY GAWD!
Wind: Buy them, do it, do it now!
Girl looks uncomfortable, she is shifting in her seat... she wants to do it SO badly...
Girl is about to do it, she is so close, her hand is itching to press buy, she knows nothing would make her happier, her heart is beating fast, bursting with joy...
Girl: OH, bugger. Mother took her credit card to London with her.

Disclaimer: This is not a true story, Tribs are far more eloquent and classy than this. And Net-a-Porter do not have YSL Tribute sandals in stock.

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Photos; JAK&JIL.
I love the elegance of this shoe, and that lady wearing possibly the coolest trousers ever and the nicest shoes ever, who appears to have the best legs ever (I'm only guessing on that one, but fate's sly hand deals all the best cards to a select few people)? Yeah, her? She's my new arch-enemy. I shit you not, I'm going to hunt her down and kick her skinny, stylish, rich ass so there's one less person in the world for us all to be painfully jealous of.
Oh, you wanna know who else I'm really jealous of? Well. More than jealousy, a deep rooted envy and a kind of true love in a straight and purely admirable way. Julia Restoin Roitfeld. Yeah, the one and only. I love her, and check out her SHOE collection? It makes me sad. She's cool, yes, she has a cool mother, yes? This is like the royal family; none of them do anything to deserve royalty, except be born by the right woman. Humph. I am very stressed out, I shouldn't be allowed to write...

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5 comments:

  1. breathe honey, breathe! and thanks for playing the song again! The song is awesome, pausing it is a crime, but yes you made up for it. kissesss*

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  2. shoes, shoes, shoes! I'm in love :-) (Net-a-porter is so addictive)!

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  3. what you said is very true, I never considered that. So I guess the perfect mix would be a child who loves rolling in the mud, then cleaning themselves up!

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  4. i looooooove the shadowing in the 2nd photo!

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  5. ahh, i can relate to this post a little too much! Firstly with the shortening of clothes thing.. i always am filled with a sudden urge to cut up old clothes and then realize ten minutes later i cannot cut straight to save my life.. and by the time i have neatened the hem.. its pretty indecent and unwearable/ruined. and i am a sucker for looking at literally anything.. online and fashion related whilst doing 'revision'.. i loove browsing net a porter and imagining what i could buy if i had unlimited funds.. all while im meant to be revising! i get distracted ridiculously easily...

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